Back from Rohatsu sesshin

Cuddled the cat, went for a walk enjoying the beauty of the neighbourhood, dropped off the recycling and visited Aubergine in Fernwood (very full of happy pleasant people), had a simple meal and watched the Korean film Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter ...and Spring. Gently easing into each moment here on Roseberry Ave.

Soshin

Sesshin memories

Back in the day, when Doshu would go off to sesshin and a visit with his folks, leaving the kids and I to fend for ourselves, the trickster would rub his hands with glee and before Doshu was at the end of the driveway, something would invariably break or go dreadfully wrong.

One year the chimney in our one room cabin developed a carbon monoxide-spewing leak. My plan to clean the chimney while Doshu was away quickly became an emergency, and with preschooler and toddler in tow, I made the trek (on working logging roads) to the coop hardware store to find replacement parts. Thank goodness for small communities! Although the sales clerk had never done the job, she cornered one of the old-timers in the store, who cheerfully gave us all the how-to wisdom and encouragement we needed to get the job done. Picture mom on the step ladder replacing sections of stove pipe with tiny kids bundled in winter coats playing happily amongst the debris.

Then there was the year the key broke in the ignition (again while Doshu was on retreat), but luckily while the kids and I were in town, and the local mechanic, who understood a lot about expediency, and resourcefulness, fixed the car by showing me how to start it with a screwdriver. Somewhere around that time there was the challenge of always parking our car on a slope, to get it started again.

In our family we consoled ourselves with food. So for years whenever Doshu went away we would clear cut the store and eat all the forbidden stuff: coffee, meat, sausages, bacon, real maple syrup, cake made with sugar, and ice cream!

It helped keep the trickster away.

ANNOUNCING...the Zennies!

1st Annual Victoria Zen Centre Awards -- Call for Nominations

The Zennies are an opportunity for VZC members to honour and thank the many people who have contributed time, money, skills, and love to our zen centre in the last year.

These are awards where you get to choose both who wins and why: choose the nominee and the category! The rules:

• You can nominate anyone, whether they are a member of the VZC or not,
• You can nominate the same person for multiple reasons,
• You can nominate as many people as you want to, and
• Your nomination has to be true.
  

The awards will be presented at the VZC's Harvest Potluck (Nov 27th).

DEADLINE = Sunday, November 14th
Email nominations to Ekō at jgoldberg@shaw.ca

A hole in the sidewalk

I’ve been reflecting on my practice lately, now that I’m sitting again (after bounce number…3?). I came across a story that resonated pretty strongly with me and my relationship to practice.

The story was about a woman that encounters a hole in the sidewalk and falls into it. It’s a very deep hole and it takes her a while to climb back out.

The next time she is walking down the same street she encounters the hole again, but is oddly attracted to it, she gets curious of it and once again falls in. But this time she manages to climb back out a little quicker.

The next time she walks down the same street, she encounters the same hole again. But this time she is certain she can jump clean over the hole, but when she tries she falls back in.

The next time she is walking down the same street she knows there is a deep hole, but is curious about it. She carefully walks up to the hole and peers in, thinking “Damn, that’s a really deep hole”. Then she carefully walks around it…

Finally, she chooses to walk down a different street entirely and decides not to walk down that same street anymore because she knows there’s a great big hole there!

I’m not sure exactly where in this process I am. But I’m hopeful that the next time I encounter a big, black, gaping hole in the sidewalk I’ll turn around and take a totally different street. The hole isn’t that interesting to me anymore.

Cory.

Four Gardensattva Vows

Oddly, as I killed thousands of sentient beings over the course of the day in weeding the garden this came to mind:

All berries without number
I vow to masticate
Endless bindweed plants
I vow to uproot
The fallen down arbour
I vow to levitate
The great veggie garden
I vow to maintain.

(with thanks to Reese for his help adapting the Four Bodhisattva Vows)

Warning: Administrator has prohibited access

Yesterday my computer warned me : "Administrator has prohibited access to CD/DVD ROM drives"

Suddenly I could no longer use the DVD player which has become our entertainment centre here on Roseberry. It's also the backbone of my language studies now that the Greater Victoria Public Library has such a great foreign film collection on DVD.

Doshu and I had recently vacuumed inches of dust out of the computer, had this dislodged a wire? Also, Doshu had upgraded his computer which is networked with mine. Had he done this to me? Lots of opportunity for practice! I'd like to think that because of meditation the situation was a little lighter than it could have been. (Doshu says MUCH lighter-but maybe he's being his usual kind self)

The fix, after I googled the warning message, was to uninstall a desktop driver, reboot and reinstall it. Apparently the Intel Desktop Utilities program that helps us monitor the cpu temperature, and has access to the motherboard, was interfering with a patch, or an upgrade, or a virus?? that was also trying to access the same area of the motherboard?? Result: no dvd capabilities and a weird warning message.

What came home to me was how very, very little I understand the workings of this computer. How the hell does it do what it does?

When I apply that sense of wonder to my own programming and wiring, I see how little I know about myself, and how simple and insignificant core beliefs like "being too tired is a valid excuse", or "I'm entitled to this" or "what I am is real and lasting" can have huge and unforeseen effects in my life.

Similarly, what if meditation, which seems too simple (breathe), too easy (just be present), too gentle (I don't feel any different...) to change 50+ years of habit, what if meditation really is the "simple fix" that can have deep and unexpected results in my life?

Thank you!

Thank you everyone for making last weekend so special. It really does take an entire sangha to do Jukai! We have a remarkable community and the strength of love and support was tremendous. Everyone's contributions in setting up and taking down the room, the strength of your voices in chanting, your kindness to Reese and to my parents in making them feel truly welcomed as part of the sangha, the delight of having kids at the reception, and all the thoughtful emails and cards from those of you who couldn't be there in person are much appreciated.

A special thank you to Kozan (Nori) and Seishin for their patience, good humour, generosity, and unflagging support, and to Ven. Eshu and the Practice Council for their guidance and example.

I hope that we have many more excuses to celebrate together! :)

- Eko

Bear Zen

From Sonja de Wit

A couple of nights ago, I was on the deck at our cliff, doing a sit. We live an hour west of Victoria on the ocean. There is a steep cliff, 200 ft, down to the water, where humans can’t go. We have a deck at the edge of the cliff with benches and a table. The house is well back, far enough that your spouse probably won’t hear if you shout.
It was evening but not dark yet. I was just getting into the sit when I heard something in the bushes, and then a very small black bear walked past. Uh-oh. I wanted the bears to know I was there so I said to the baby bear, “Go back to your mother!” I did know it probably didn’t understand English, but I didn’t want to be between mother and cub. This freaked the little guy out so much that he ran away, but away from the mother, and he half-scrambled, half-fell down the cliff. (There is a ledge below the top, so he wouldn’t have fallen more than eight or ten feet, probably into some bushes, and bears are pretty good at falling: here on the road we get lots of evidence of that when it’s apples season.) The mother meanwhile was snorting and huffing and peering through the bushes on my other side.
What could I do? I got up on the picnic table and stood up and said to the mother bear, “Your baby went that way.” She was quite upset herself. After a minute or so, she did go past me, she kind of had to. She was a beautiful glossy black, not big. She started up the path to the house, then came back. Sonja still on the table. Then she stood up and sniffed in classic bear pose and obviously picked up her cub’s scent. She charged through the salal to the edge of the cliff in the direction the cub had gone, and went crashing down below. After a minute or two I got down off the table and went to tell Alan what he’d missed!
What I wonder is whether you experienced sitters would have kept your Zen cool and stayed in your lotus, and just let it all happen around you.

(Posted by Sean because Sonja's on a slow dial-up connection, poor dear.)

Retreat in Auschwitz

Hey there folks - I have written a blog post about my experiences on the Auschwitz retreat. It is a little long, so I didn't want to post it here. If you are interested, you can see it at:

http://sei-inremyjordan.blogspot.com/2010/06/bearing-witness-retreat-in-auschwitz.html

Sei-in

Pancakes & Links

This is what it looks like after pancakes, hole-in-ones, joviality & companionship.

Satisifaction. Whole In One.

No comment. Except that I love Robert Crumb.

Response to Sei-In's Comment

I think of this Calvin & Hobbes strip whenever I'm creating a test or exam.

Education

As I age in my role as teacher, I find myself more inclined to reward responses such as those shown. What does this have to do with zen practice? Something. What doesn't?

Work practice

When I joined the VZC a few years ago, the initial motivation was to learn how to be a "better" activist. I had been involved in environmental and social justice work my whole life and so had seen many, many mistakes made by me and others -- it seemed that often we were often doing more harm than good. A community-based spiritual practice with an experienced teacher was recommended by a visiting monk as a way to dive into the burning questions and doubts that I was struggling with.

Although sitting, walking, chanting, and meal practice were intriguing what really hooked me were the work practice opportunities offered by the VZC. Working with other people, whether in the VZC or in social justice groups, seemed to be at the heart of the difficulties and so the chance to explore that in a Zen practice context was very appealing. And it has indeed been rich and rewarding both in terms of volunteer work and also my paid job. In the last few months I've been particularly noticing how much VZC work practice is impacting work outside the VZC. The people I work with have also been asking more about Zen practice which is a good barometer for whether or not practice really is shifting my work habits!

We have many opportunities for work practice within the VZC already -- officer roles in the zendo; operational teams like marketing, peer support, and Sangha Sunday planning; collective work practice periods during zazenkais/sesshins; occasional work parties to remove broom or clean up the highway near the VZC; Board positions; and individual opportunities such as assisting with events, transcribing, gardening, zendo cleaning, or any of the bazillion things that need to be done to keep the VZC going.

Recently the VZC Board has been talking about how to tweak the coordination of work practice so we can better match members who are interested in engaging in work practice with tasks that need to be done (and that are a good fit for members' interests, skills, availability, etc.). This has been done informally for some time but with the steady growth of the VZC we are now looking to put a bit of structure in place to help keep things smooth.

In looking at what other centres do around structuring work practice as part of our development process, I came across this article by Zoketsu Norman Fischer. I really enjoyed it so thought I would pass the link on for y'all to enjoy!
http://www.intrex.net/chzg/Zoketsu.htm

It would be great to hear your thoughts on work practice: what's your experience been thus far, and what would you like to see develop in terms of further opportunities in this stream of practice?

Links of interest...

Two recent posts that folk may find interesting...

Here is a link to Eshu's article on the T-C blog, "Spiritually Speaking":

http://communities.canada.com/victoriatimescolonist/blogs/spirituallyspeaking/archive/2010/05/20/papa-needs-a-new-pair-o-shoes.aspx#comments

Here is a link to a video conversation between Bernie Glassman and Jeff Bridges:

http://www.tricycle.com/blog/?p=1782

Post-sesshin

It's been just over a week since coming back from sesshin. I went in with a lot of anxiety as my first sesshin a year previously was really painful both physically and mentally.


This time around it was still painful although not nearly as bad (thank you Bikram yoga instructors!) and so there was more of an opportunity to experience other aspects of sesshin, particularly the experience of living in close quarters and practicing so intensely with a group of good friends -- "virtuous companions" in the sutra translation Eshu read from as part of his dharma talks.


Of course the magic of sesshin couldn't be sustained forever, it changes just like everything else, but it has been interesting to experience so pointedly the resistance of letting it change. Eshu had talked specifically during sesshin about the mistake of approaching practice from a self-oriented perspective (I'm going to be a better person) but sinking back into old habits so quickly after sesshin was over, especially regarding relationships with other people, I was feeling pretty disappointed -- what is the point of such intensive practice if I come back and am as big a jerk as I was before sesshin?


In reading a book by Desmond and Mpho Tutu ("Made for Goodness") over the last couple days, the following passage really hit home. Although the book is written from a Christian perspective this perfectly described my experience of this very special sangha and has lightened things up considerably.

A life of wholeness can accept flaws and vulnerabilities as doors to relationship. If we can do all things flawlessly, we have no need of anybody else. That is not ubuntu. Flaws and vulnerabilities destroy the illusion of self-sufficiency and can open our eyes to our common humanity. Flaws and vulnerabilities can build the bridge to human community and to a relationship with the divine.

Or as Leonard Cohen put it:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

So, cracked and all, onward we go! Thanks everyone for all your support this week with the post-sesshin transition, it's much appreciated.

We are empty curved space

"The universe does not exist 'out there,' independent of us. We are inescapably involved in bringing about that which appears to be happening. We are not only observers. We are participators. In some strange sense, this is a participatory universe. Physics is no longer satisfied with insights only into particles, fields of force, into geometry, or even into time and space. Today we demand of physics some understanding of existence itself."

"There is nothing in the world except empty curved space. Matter, charge, electromagnetism, and other fields are only manifestations of the curvature of space. "

— John Archibald Wheeler: Physicist, coiner of the terms "black hole" and "wormhole," collaborator of Albert Einstein, and teacher of Richard Feynman.

2010 TC10km Tasty Treat and Picnic Crowd Pleaser

Warm Almond Stuffed Dates with Sea Salt and Lemon

12 pitted dates, preferrably Medjool
12-24 whole roasted unsalted almonds
1tbsp olive oil
Sea Salt
Grated rind of 1 lemon

Slit the side of each date and pull out pit. Insert almonds in the cavity and push the edges back together to enclose nuts. Warm the oil over medium heat in a skillet. Add dates and cook, shaking the pan so that dates roll around in oil until warmed. 2-3 min. Sprinkle lightly with the salt and lemon rind. Toss again and serve. Serves 6.

Enjoy! with friends, laughter and sunshine.....

Birthday card

I thought people would enjoy this image. It is from the front of a card that my sister gave me for my birthday...

No Place Like Om

Tuesday April 20, 2010

Wearing The Robes For The First Time

My oh my, lions & tigers & snakes.

Tuesday night at the Interfaith Chapel, I came out. In freshly, lovingly hand crafted robes, it’s been a long time since I’ve worn a "dress".

What an opportunity for practice!

The stuff it brought up was all fear based with roots that reached in the past. I felt vulnerable and was afraid of being laughed at and not being good enough. There was even a tinge of feeling that I wasn't "entitled".

Logically, I was wearing the prescribed and accepted garb for the activity. Yet inside, out of the depths of the past, rose an image of 17 year old me graduating from high school in an orangish/yellowish/pinkish empire-waisted, puffy-sleeved dress with big flowers and my hair “done” up on my head. I felt awkward, out of place and very uncomfortable. I confess, I did it for my Mom.

As I immersed into the role of jiki, doing sampai, comically trying to sit while tucking robes under my legs and walking in kinhin, I felt at ease. Present. Even, graceful.

And finally, by evening's end, a homecoming.

(This time was for you too, Mom.)

Presence

What is presence?

Being fully aware, present, in every thought, action and word.

How do we practice presence?

By infusing quality into every action, thought and word; submersing into every moment with no concern for the next. No thing is more or less important then another.

How do we practice presence in action?

By fully becoming one with the action with no concern or expectation of the outcome.

How do we practice presence in thought?

By fully knowing that the mind is another sense organ, using it as a tool when memory or knowledge is needed, letting it go when it is not.

How do we practice presence in speech?

By being mindful that words are powerful tools, they can enhance life when used wisely, they can wound when not. Yet at the same time recognizing that the nature of words is their symbolic representation. It is not possible to explain the limitlessness of experience within the limits of vocabulary.

Presence is not a goal; presence is be-ing.

Mitra update

Well, I have talked to Mitra and few times and she is doing well. I like this photo of her. I think she looks radiant.

The blog on the retreat is here:
http://www.peacemakerinstitute.net/profiles/blogs/rwanda-bearing-witness-retreat-5

There are entries for each day.

The question now is if Mitra can get home. She leaves on Sun and arrives home on Mon, assuming everything is flying. The problem is that she is flying through northen Europe and the ash from the volcano in Iceland has caused most of the flights to be cancelled. Hopefully, things will be clear by the time Mitra leaves.

Bodhi Playoffs

So I watched that PBS documentary “The Buddha” the other day. It had its ups and downs. One of my favorite parts was when Jane Hirshfield spoke. My previous blog entry was a quote from her, with a graphic image I thought á propos. Maybe when I post this entry, that previous entry will be right under it. We’ll see.

Anyway, one of my favorite parts of my favorite parts was when Jane talked about us all being Buddhas, were we but to realize it. She talked about walking down the street and looking at each of the people one passes or encounters: “Buddha? Buddha? Buddha! Ah, Buddha!”

What does this have to do with hockey? Everything, dude.

In the intensity of the most focused moments of a high-speed sport, the skillful player is utterly unencumbered by self. This becomes especially interesting and evident when it is a high-speed team sport. And there is no higher speed team sport than hockey.

A digression: In barbershop quartet, there is a phenomenon that happens when the harmony, the blending of the four voices, is just right. It’s called the “fifth voice.” It’s an acoustical phenomenon that is well understood scientifically (you can look it up) but is nonetheless magical: It absolutely sounds like there are five voices, but there are only four singers.

Years ago, it struck me that an analogous phenomenon can occur in a hockey game. Something happens to a team and they start to play as if they were a single organism. The passes are so crisp, the movements so in unison, it’s as if they all have eyes in the backs of their heads; they utterly know where each other is, and they are no longer a collection of highly skilled individuals, but a single being that divides its body into parts and occupies the entire rink that way.

The opposing team is “back on its heels” as the hockey announcers say. If you came upon the game on your TV at that moment, you’d think there was a power play going on. But when you look at the info field at the top of the screen, no power play is indicated. How is that team getting away with having six players on the ice, plus net minder? And then you realize that it’s just the regular number of guys, but they’ve hit that harmony so it’s like there’s a “sixth guy,” like the “fifth voice” in barbershop quartet.

In many fields of endeavour, when a skilled master is fully engaged in that endeavour (singing, gardening, programming, bathing an infant, hitting a golf ball, installing a door, etc.), he or she is Buddha. It might be momentary, fleeting, interspersed with intrusions of self-concern, but those moments of self-concern are interspersed with intense, awake moments of utter dissolution of self and the absence of distance of any kind between mind and everything else. “Between” becomes meaningless.

And then it changes, and the difference between self and everything else blurts out rudely and he ain’t Buddha no more, or at least there’s a bunch of noise going on over top of Buddha. That’s ok. It’s the way of being a human, I reckon. Even Buddha wasn’t Buddha sometimes, I would guess.

But there are sublime moments, quite extended moments, when Roberto Luongo is Buddha. The sublime presence of the high-level hockey goalie in the playoffs is a wondrous thing to behold. And out in mid-ice, there is the speed and flow of that intricate web of coordinated activity: A good hockey game is like the nice flow of meal practice in a zazenkai of skilled practitioners. Everyone just dissolves into a solution of mutual activity and intention. Despite how it may appear to the casual, unengaged observer, there is no ice, no goal, no stick, no puck, no fight, no penalty, and no hockey game. The skillful hockey player relies on prajna paramita with no hindrance in the mind, no hindrance and therefore no fear. Gate gate para gate para sam gate he shoots he scores! Hands raised, he skates for a moment in sublime light, and then breathes in, and he’s the guy who scored, and self arises. But then the play begins again, and as the intensity builds, self dissolves, and even the fans in the arena dissolve into selflessness and their dancing and songs are the voice of the Dharma.

Seven Words

“Everything changes; everything is connected; pay attention”.

— Jane Hirshfield

http://practiceofzen.wordpress.com/2009/06/18/36-seven-words/

Mitra leaves for Rwanda on Wednesday

Tomorrow Mitra is flying to Kigali, Rwanda to participate in the first Zen Peacemaker Bearing Witness Retreat in Rwanda.

After a few days of acclimatizing, the retreat will begin on Sunday night with thirty to forty participants (thirty of the participants are from Rwanda). They will start each day in Kigali, the country capital and move out to various memorial and genocide related sites. Personal stories will be told by people regarding many aspects of this profound disaster and they will hear about the works of many NGOs doing reconciliation and healing work in the country. They may even be meeting President Kagame. They will finish on April 16 and Mitra will arrive home on April 19.

Apparently, you can follow the retreat starting Monday April 12 via a daily blog that will be written by Fleet Maull (one of the people leading the retreat). I am told that you can follow the blog at the following website. However, I haven’t been able to find the appropriate link :-(

Perhaps it is best to start checking it after the retreat starts on April 12.

http://www.peacemakerinstitute.net/

With great love, I hold Mitra in my heart and my thoughts as she goes through this experience.

VZC Roadtrip to see Yushin at FAME West

Early in the morning of March 27, four adventurous Victoria Zen Centre members embarked on a short road trip to see Yushin compete in the 2010 FAME West Competition.

We began our trip at 5:30am driving around the quiet city, much of it still slumbering, to pick up one member and then another. Bleary eyes and yawns were the order of the hour.

Arriving at Swartz Bay to catch the 7am ferry to Tsawwassen, we began to wake up and get excited for the trip.

Once on the ferry, we treated ourselves to a tasty variety of breakfasts, many of us choosing the yummy deep fried hash browns. Our hunger satisfied, we settled in for the short ocean crossing to the mainland.

Google Map directions in hand, we ventured forth down strange roads and questionable turns and at points were quite sure we were lost. But our digital directions proved to be reliable in getting us to our destination, even if the road traveled was a bit adventurous and at times a bit surreal!

Single lane bridges, strange side roads, and industrial parks were traveled through but eventually we made it to Maple Ridge, the location of the FAME West Competition with minutes to spare before the event began.

We came prepared with balloons, a cow bell, and lots of enthusiasm to cheer for Yushin.

The event itself was quite the experience, and before we knew it, Yushin was on stage flexing and posing and showing the culmination of all the hard work and training that brought him to that moment. Here is a little video clip of Yushin's performance!

After the performance, Yushin came out and joined us before we began our trip back home. Before this trip, I really had no idea what a body building competition entailed, and seeing Yushin on stage brought home just how much work, focus and dedication was involved. Much respect.

After The Rain

Cherry blossoms after the rain

Pattern the ground

With no purpose

Only a rest after a fall.

Balance ~ The Middle Way

A Yogi practicing her asanas one day realized that the plantar wart on her left foot seemed to have grown and was, she believed, throwing her balance off. So she decided to use a remedy to remove the annoying plantar bump.

This same Yogi also had a regular meditation practice. Often her emotions would arise to the surface and she would struggle with overwhelming feelings of anger and grief. Tears of anger would fill her eyes and drip down her cheeks filling her hands cupped in mudra. She thought if only I could get rid of this anger, I would stop crying. So with great determination she practiced being firm, unmoving and non-preferential to all her feelings.

After some time, the plantar bump was disolved away and in its place was a hole. To her utter disbelief, she found that the hole in her foot also put her off balance. When she discovered this she cried out with anger and grief.

"How can I find and keep my balance?"

The moral of the story is balance like all in the middle way is not fixed, firm and lasting.
Sometimes there is a deep precipice on one side, and a steep cliff on the other, yet the middle way is finding a place where comfort meets discomfort over and over again.

A Discourse On Compassion

Tommi: I've heard you say that you believe your life is a path of compassion. Could you explain this?

Hoyu: Well, this is through personal experience. Turning away from adversity and challenges in life lead (and have led) to suffering. Through the experience of investigating and immersing into the cause of suffering there is the opportunity to become aware even of its transient nature. Suffering arises and then after a while dissolves. (Just as non-suffering does) This change is not an option or even a choice. The only choice is how we respond to the obvious nature of change.

Perhaps, the practice is to move mindfully along the path of suffering/compassion until awakening to the realization of it being the doorway. The understanding that there truly is no separation.

A favourite quote from "There Is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber seems to ring true.

The only way out of this life of suffering is through the doorway of compassion.

"But how do you find the doorway?"

You can't find it because you are it. The moment there is nothing left of you but compassion, you ARE the doorway. The door is wide open and you are free.

This is accompanied by a wonderful line drawing of a face looking down towards the chest/heart which displays an open door with a dancing figure in it.

Suffering becomes an option when you experience suffering and non-suffering.

Tommi: Okay, so that is the personal journey. How do you extend compassion to others?

Hoyu: First by being compassionate with yourself. This is an incredibly difficult practice because western social conditioning is focussed on "shame and blame". Moving beyond this and really understanding that mistakes happen. And not only do mistakes transpire but accidents happen, tragedies occur, errors exist, unskillful thinking is followed by unskillful behaviour. Becoming aware, correcting where possible, understanding that everyone makes mistakes and applying liberal self forgiveness all can be a precursor to compassion. Only through self forgiveness and compassion can the same be accorded to others.

Of course, this explanation because of the nature of words infers that this existence is linear. The explaining is only intended to be a finger pointing at an idea.

The Way of Illness

I have decided to take a different tack with this viral infection.

Instead of fighting it, I now make peace with it.

Embrace it, with love and understanding, as if it were a dear friend.

After all it is here to teach me to slow down, remind me that I am not immortal and show me what a blessing good health is. It too has a life that it must live, the natural course of things is that it will arise and then it will dissolve. Instead of offering anger and fear, I will make offerings of Kama c.a.z.e., Happy Planet Cold & Flu Remedy shot, hot ginger tea, hot epsom salt baths, deep, healing breaths, gentle yin yoga, more zazen, peppermint and lavender oils. I will sacrifice dairy products, negative thoughts and long waking hours for more rest, sleep and gentleness to my-self.

As the life of this virus draws to a close, I will thank it for visiting me and teaching me more about true me.

Sangha Sunday in a Salmon Forest!

Thanks everyone for a wonderful morning. Best kept secret: the Goldstream Visitor Centre http://www.goldstreampark.com/freeman_king_visitor_center.htm

Maggie, I thought you might like to see the green buddha trophy in its new temporary home.

...I want to thank my mom and my dad, and my ex-sister-in-law Hiroko, who gave me the wonderful striped hat...

ps the cat pictured looks like Mr Bingley aka His Princeliness, but is in fact dear sweet Annie, the most protective and motherly cat you could wish for.

True You Haiku

Wake now sleepy self

True you has no-thing to do

Yes! Arise dissolve

Perhaps

Perhaps the cherry blossoms of youth

Plant the seeds to inner truth

But as the cherry blossoms fall

Return to earth, still one~with~all.

Virtual Zendo

I attended Eshu's two "virtual zendo" web conferences this week...it was a powerful experience to sit at home and yet with the sangha. What was usually a challenge for me became much easier, as I sat for 45 minutes. Monday morning's sit inspired me to sit on Tuesday for 45 minutes on my own...

Thanks to Eshu and to everyone that participates!

I've attached a picture of my butsudan at home, complete with the VZC virtual zendo streaming on my iPhone (you can download the Adobe Connect app for free from the App Store).

Suchness

Practicing meditation in every moment; posturing asanas in every movement.
The limitations of the words describe the moment as separate; the limitless practicing flows so there is no separation.

~

Jiki is firm but loving; stern but sweet.

Practicing both giving and receiving corrections.

Ego sits in a corner minding its own business.

Popping up occasionally to remind true self that it is there to tease and taunt to test and torment ... and remind.

~ ~

A Haiku ~ 3 = 1

when three become one

subject object distance

subobjdis true love

Noble Truth of Suffering

Dear friends,

I wanted to write to you all to talk about some of my challenges and struggles on the path. I read last night the vows that I took at Jukai and reminded myself of the commitments I made. I came to Zen practice in response to the noble truth of suffering as it manifested in my own life. I was going through a period of anxiety and insomnia and I needed to find a way forward. Through the years that I have been involved with the Centre, I have seen many positive changes happen in my life and some major shifts in my awareness and responsiveness to the world around me. Yet, through this, I continued to hit against the old patterns, the battles with sleep, the anxiety and self-doubt. Recently, I have found myself struggling again with many of the same challenges. Pounding anxiety with no obvious source and the struggles to gain rest. The teachings have been a great source of strength, yet the challenges persist. I am committed to following the teachings of Buddha, to apply his antidote of awareness, meditation and no-self to the suffering that is present. The practice does not protect me from difficulties - it is not an insurance policy. But, in time, with faith and persistence, I hope that I can bring better balance to my speech, body and mind. “May all beings be well, free from harm and difficulties, may they be peaceful and happy”. Nine Bows.

Caution

Faster

Faster! Do it faster!! Do more!!! Do it all at the same time.

Why do we hurtle through life at break neck speed? Why do we want to race toward death without experiencing the precious moments of life? Most have experienced that the more we do to free up time the less time we have.

In fact, the faster we do "our stuff" the more likely we are to make mistakes. Mistakes which as we correct use more of our precious time that we are trying to save for... who knows what. Perhaps, the remedy to "not having enough time" is simply to slow down.

Slowwwwwwwwwwly and methodically brushing every tooth surface, flossing between every single tooth, tracing around each tooth with the rubber tipped tool, brushing the tongue, then rinsing and savouring a lively mouth feeling.

Or patiently and carefully cleaning glasses, plates, cups, cutlery, plastic tupperware before greasy cookware, wiping the sink, the counter, the front of the stove where we dripped spaghetti sauce, wiping behind the taps where grime deposits live, polishing up the taps to a twinkle. Fully, submersed in the detail of a complete activity, treating every moment as a shining precious jewel, we find each moment is full and complete.

And what do you know, there is more then enough time.

However, don't believe me. Try it for yourself.

Still Sitting On Sunday

In the morning light, heart decals on the window shape a shadow on the golden wood of the butsodan/fireplace/room divider/Wall of Buddhas.

Incense drifts through my line of vision like wispy scented clouds.

A raucous murder of crows chant sutras in a foreign language.

In kinhin, the crunch, crunch, crunch, sqlch, sqlch of feet punctuates the air as we walk as one.

Inside I dance with my sadness, embrace my fears, weep with my heart and then find peace and joy in the tears rolling down my cheeks and the drip drip from my nose into my cupped hands.

Here now, silently supported by the still presence of sisters and brothers, sitting as one.

I live on Faithful Street.

Dana and Peer Support

It was the day after our peer support meeting and I was still awash in that wonderful feeling of friendship and support that follows those meetings. It dawned on me, as I was out walking our dog, how interconnected peer support and dana was for me.

I had been reluctant to join the dana group when it initally started up. Having been caught up in the pre-retirement mode of thinking for the past decade, I was consumed with saving my pennies for my old age, hyper vigilant that I would have `enough'. Once I joined, it became easy to give, especially since I was surrounded by individuals whose values of generosity and support for practice were what I aspired to.

Back to the interconnectedness between peer support and dana - I realized that preparation for reitrement should not be just a monetary pursuit but should also include developing supportive and enriching relationships to ensure that we are cared for and have meaning in our lives as we age. what would old age be with money but no friends? What if there was no one to take us to appointments or join us for coffee? Or bring us meals when we're sick?

Insurance for a meaningful life is what belonging to the peer support and dana group signifies for me.

Myoshin

This Moment

These days there is a shiny quality to the moments of this life. It is as if that which I see is in sharper focus, that which I hear has a fuller depth and more range, the experience of food is a regular potpourri of flavours and textures, smells distinct yet not, the feel of clothes on the skin, the textures and their insulating properties ... vivid and clear in a harmonized dance that is this moment. Reminding the mind to settle down like a child bored and desperate for attention, I realize wordlessly, that all of this is happening all the time. There is absolutely nothing that I need to do that will make this moment more wonder-filled. All that is needed, if I so choose, is to be present for it.

Goodbye old man

Last summer I posted on this blog about going to Vancouver to say goodbye to my 94-year-old grandfather. Stubborn guy that he was, last July he rallied and fought off the kidney infection that was expected to be the end last summer. Today he died at age 95, according to the care home staff peacefully and without pain, just slipping away in his sleep.

There has been lots of laughter and tears tonight remembering his strong and quirky character, coming to terms with the simultaneous appreciation of no-birth, no-death from experiences in practice (including practice being with him in our last visits) and also not wanting to let go of the physical experience of his body, to rub his shiny bald head and smell his old man/new baby smell and hold his hands in a way that is no longer possible.

Over the years Zeyds wrote many extremely bad poems for us kids, laboriously plonking them out on a typewriter nearly as old and as cranky as he was. They often included Yiddish curses or at the very least reference to life as a sexually transmitted disease. Shortly after I was arrested at a logging blockade in the Walbran valley he let me know Zeyds-style how simultaneously proud and annoyed he was with the whole spectacle:

Hug a tree, Hug a tree, Hug a tree, Goldberg,
Into the valley of Walbran rode she,
To save all the forests, and get me a tree.
So when I need toothpicks,
We'll know where they be.

Goodbye old man. I miss you. Thank you for everything.