Warning: Administrator has prohibited access

Yesterday my computer warned me : "Administrator has prohibited access to CD/DVD ROM drives"

Suddenly I could no longer use the DVD player which has become our entertainment centre here on Roseberry. It's also the backbone of my language studies now that the Greater Victoria Public Library has such a great foreign film collection on DVD.

Doshu and I had recently vacuumed inches of dust out of the computer, had this dislodged a wire? Also, Doshu had upgraded his computer which is networked with mine. Had he done this to me? Lots of opportunity for practice! I'd like to think that because of meditation the situation was a little lighter than it could have been. (Doshu says MUCH lighter-but maybe he's being his usual kind self)

The fix, after I googled the warning message, was to uninstall a desktop driver, reboot and reinstall it. Apparently the Intel Desktop Utilities program that helps us monitor the cpu temperature, and has access to the motherboard, was interfering with a patch, or an upgrade, or a virus?? that was also trying to access the same area of the motherboard?? Result: no dvd capabilities and a weird warning message.

What came home to me was how very, very little I understand the workings of this computer. How the hell does it do what it does?

When I apply that sense of wonder to my own programming and wiring, I see how little I know about myself, and how simple and insignificant core beliefs like "being too tired is a valid excuse", or "I'm entitled to this" or "what I am is real and lasting" can have huge and unforeseen effects in my life.

Similarly, what if meditation, which seems too simple (breathe), too easy (just be present), too gentle (I don't feel any different...) to change 50+ years of habit, what if meditation really is the "simple fix" that can have deep and unexpected results in my life?

Sangha Sunday in a Salmon Forest!

Thanks everyone for a wonderful morning. Best kept secret: the Goldstream Visitor Centre http://www.goldstreampark.com/freeman_king_visitor_center.htm

Maggie, I thought you might like to see the green buddha trophy in its new temporary home.

...I want to thank my mom and my dad, and my ex-sister-in-law Hiroko, who gave me the wonderful striped hat...

ps the cat pictured looks like Mr Bingley aka His Princeliness, but is in fact dear sweet Annie, the most protective and motherly cat you could wish for.

Nori and Shari Ulrich with the Getting Higher Choir

Just got back from a wonderful day. A sit in Sooke with a talk by Ven. Eshu which for me thankfully clarified the use of the words right and wrong, good and bad. Another way to think of them is skillful means and unskillful means. This is so liberating in that it takes away the judgement and directs us to look at the results of actions. Actually not the topic of the talk but a lovely revelation for me.

Then a car pool ride into town (always a highlight since we get to catch up with each other on the trip to and from Sooke).

We were dropped off at my mom's where we walked together down to the Alix Goolden hall. There we heard Nori sing and about 300 other people and also some professional musicians. The concert was all about heart. Denis and Shivon and the Choir skillfully opened our hearts, moved many to tears, then put us back together with a gentle prayer song and sent us on our way. The feelings evoked by the songs were powerful and painful but what an honour to share them in community. Feeling together the highs and the lows of life brings such richness to our lives.

The concert raised thousands of dollars for the Power of Hope.

Thank you mom for taking us. Thank you Nori for singing! and thank you to Venerable Eshu for continuing to point the way.

Dana meeting tonight

I'm looking forward to the dana meeting tonight. It seems full of possibility.

I see this evening as an opportunity to practise joyful giving, to let go of my habit of coming from fear, from what if this or what if that? All I have (if have is the right word) is this moment, the future is unknown. I'm happy to be part of a practise that supports sinking into this moment trustingly, and also fearlessly taking responsibility for the future outcomes of my actions stemming from this moment.

We will meet to share a meal, to give and to receive a meal together in community. We'll each come from wherever we are (you know the variety of life- busy, anxious, happy, grudging, stuck, angry, virtuous, bubbly, vacant, whatever) and have a huge opportunity to be in our hearts, acknowledge the importance of the zen centre and our practice in our lives, and stretch a lot as a community to give back to the centre.

It's happened in the past and it could happen again tonight...

Soshin

V.Eshu's moving company

Hi Everyone,
The one day intensive yesterday... had power dark and deep indeed.

Today I feel refreshed and lighter.

Some people use the metaphor of the person as a house and the personality as the arrangement of the furniture on the inside. I feel like a moving truck has taken some of the excess furniture away. And there's more yet to go.

Going, going, always going.
Thank you Sangha, thank you Venerable Eshu

Ordination

Doshu’s ordination is coming up next month. Invitations are going out now and many friends and family members are curious about what it means to become a monk in this tradition. I’m often asked how I feel about Doshu becoming a monk. Perhaps this is a polite way of asking “But what about your sex life?” I was pretty curious about this too, but a vow of celibacy is not a part of this ceremony.

Years ago, Doshu and I made an agreement to support each other in our spiritual development. I’d been meditating in a haphazard way since my university days, and we both joined the Toronto Zen Centre, but now we had small children and lived in rural BC so I joined the local women’s healing circle in my community, while Doshu continued to practise solo long-distance zen. We women met weekly and together explored various spiritualities, finally settling into a Wiccan practice as taught by Starhawk and the Reclaiming Collective. This transformational practice is encapsulated in its only rule: Do as you will and harm none. Starhawk strongly recommended a personal daily meditation practice, but there was no instruction in this. These were exciting times, learning to use trance as a tool for self discovery and group spiritual work, learning to change consciousness at will. I am so grateful to the powerful women who shared in this adventure.

A few years ago Doshu became seriously ill and spent many months in hospital in Vancouver. At the end of his ordeal he was alive, and thanks to a bone marrow transplant, getting better. We left our beloved Mitchell Bay, moved to Victoria, and I began seriously studying Qi Gong with the idea of becoming a practitioner. However, here again was the directive to meditate daily, yet no instruction on how to do this.

Then Doshu connected with the Victoria Zen Centre. He found a local spiritual home at last, and I found the support and community I need to develop and maintain a daily meditation practice.

I’m happy that Doshu has been able to follow the spiritual path of his choice. After years of flying to Toronto for intensives, it’s wonderful for him to have an active zen centre right here. And not only local but this is a centre that offers programs tailor made to each individual, from beginners to those who are ready for a residential program and even ordination. We are blessed to live in a time and place (Victoria!) where Zen is alive. -Soshin