I’ve been reflecting on my practice lately, now that I’m sitting again (after bounce number…3?). I came across a story that resonated pretty strongly with me and my relationship to practice.
The story was about a woman that encounters a hole in the sidewalk and falls into it. It’s a very deep hole and it takes her a while to climb back out.
The next time she is walking down the same street she encounters the hole again, but is oddly attracted to it, she gets curious of it and once again falls in. But this time she manages to climb back out a little quicker.
The next time she walks down the same street, she encounters the same hole again. But this time she is certain she can jump clean over the hole, but when she tries she falls back in.
The next time she is walking down the same street she knows there is a deep hole, but is curious about it. She carefully walks up to the hole and peers in, thinking “Damn, that’s a really deep hole”. Then she carefully walks around it…
Finally, she chooses to walk down a different street entirely and decides not to walk down that same street anymore because she knows there’s a great big hole there!
I’m not sure exactly where in this process I am. But I’m hopeful that the next time I encounter a big, black, gaping hole in the sidewalk I’ll turn around and take a totally different street. The hole isn’t that interesting to me anymore.
Cory.
Hey Cory,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post, it reminded me a lot of my own twists and turns in practice. The first time I tried sitting with the VZC I bounced for 5 years. The bounces since then have been a lot shorter but that tendency is still there. The more times I go through it though, the clearer it is what is going on. I still habitually walk down the same street more often than not, but when it happens it's now familiar enough to flag "aha, this is a bounce" instead of thinking the feelings coming up are true and require me to step back from practice or the sangha.
After I fell during a Tuesday sit and tore a ligament in my ankle, Eshu said jokingly "Fall down seven times, get up eight" and that's really rung true in zendo practice as well as life. Wherever you go next for practice am glad to see you getting up again! :)