No Place Like Om

Tuesday April 20, 2010

Wearing The Robes For The First Time

My oh my, lions & tigers & snakes.

Tuesday night at the Interfaith Chapel, I came out. In freshly, lovingly hand crafted robes, it’s been a long time since I’ve worn a "dress".

What an opportunity for practice!

The stuff it brought up was all fear based with roots that reached in the past. I felt vulnerable and was afraid of being laughed at and not being good enough. There was even a tinge of feeling that I wasn't "entitled".

Logically, I was wearing the prescribed and accepted garb for the activity. Yet inside, out of the depths of the past, rose an image of 17 year old me graduating from high school in an orangish/yellowish/pinkish empire-waisted, puffy-sleeved dress with big flowers and my hair “done” up on my head. I felt awkward, out of place and very uncomfortable. I confess, I did it for my Mom.

As I immersed into the role of jiki, doing sampai, comically trying to sit while tucking robes under my legs and walking in kinhin, I felt at ease. Present. Even, graceful.

And finally, by evening's end, a homecoming.

(This time was for you too, Mom.)