Nori and Shari Ulrich with the Getting Higher Choir

Just got back from a wonderful day. A sit in Sooke with a talk by Ven. Eshu which for me thankfully clarified the use of the words right and wrong, good and bad. Another way to think of them is skillful means and unskillful means. This is so liberating in that it takes away the judgement and directs us to look at the results of actions. Actually not the topic of the talk but a lovely revelation for me.

Then a car pool ride into town (always a highlight since we get to catch up with each other on the trip to and from Sooke).

We were dropped off at my mom's where we walked together down to the Alix Goolden hall. There we heard Nori sing and about 300 other people and also some professional musicians. The concert was all about heart. Denis and Shivon and the Choir skillfully opened our hearts, moved many to tears, then put us back together with a gentle prayer song and sent us on our way. The feelings evoked by the songs were powerful and painful but what an honour to share them in community. Feeling together the highs and the lows of life brings such richness to our lives.

The concert raised thousands of dollars for the Power of Hope.

Thank you mom for taking us. Thank you Nori for singing! and thank you to Venerable Eshu for continuing to point the way.

Dana meeting tonight

I'm looking forward to the dana meeting tonight. It seems full of possibility.

I see this evening as an opportunity to practise joyful giving, to let go of my habit of coming from fear, from what if this or what if that? All I have (if have is the right word) is this moment, the future is unknown. I'm happy to be part of a practise that supports sinking into this moment trustingly, and also fearlessly taking responsibility for the future outcomes of my actions stemming from this moment.

We will meet to share a meal, to give and to receive a meal together in community. We'll each come from wherever we are (you know the variety of life- busy, anxious, happy, grudging, stuck, angry, virtuous, bubbly, vacant, whatever) and have a huge opportunity to be in our hearts, acknowledge the importance of the zen centre and our practice in our lives, and stretch a lot as a community to give back to the centre.

It's happened in the past and it could happen again tonight...

Soshin

V.Eshu's moving company

Hi Everyone,
The one day intensive yesterday... had power dark and deep indeed.

Today I feel refreshed and lighter.

Some people use the metaphor of the person as a house and the personality as the arrangement of the furniture on the inside. I feel like a moving truck has taken some of the excess furniture away. And there's more yet to go.

Going, going, always going.
Thank you Sangha, thank you Venerable Eshu

The poem Robert Frost never wrote

Sesshin on a Snowy Evening

Whose house this is I do not know.
He might think that we're crazy though;
To sit for days atop his rug
Staring at the floor plug.

My workmates think it's awfully queer
To take my work holiday time here
Getting up at 4 AM
And sitting still for hours on end.

"But wait!" I futilely explain,
"There's cake at end of day, and also
The beauty of the sound of rain. And have I mentioned
What strength comes from letting go into pain?"

They give their heads a shake
And think that I'm a hippie flake.
Admittedly on dark mornings
I think they're right, this is a mistake.

But sesshin has power, dark and deep
And there are vows we want to keep,
When we are dead there's time to sleep.
When we are dead there's time to sleep.

An Example of Beauty

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost

Condensed precepts?

Life, death, and being in community

On Sunday longtime friend and co-worker Catherine White-Holman died in a plane crash off Saturna Island. Five other people died in that crash, with two people surviving. So many lives changed in that moment.

Over the last 15 years, and in a rather concentrated way in the last 24 hours, I've had many moments of feeling grateful for having had the opportunity to know and learn from Catherine. She was brilliant in many ways including building and being part of community.

In the Zen Centre we talk a lot about the community of practice, the sangha. But as Catherine so beautifully demonstrated throughout her life there is a difference between talking about community as if it were something separate or outside of us, and being in community together, being community.

Last night I called Seishin as the co-coordinator of the peer support team within the VZC to ask for help. Seishin and I recently did a home visit together to sit with two members of the VZC who had a recent death in the family, and in the midst of the shock and grief all I wanted was to have people come and sit with me, to experience grief within the container and structure of zazen.

This morning three people from the VZC brought a mobile zendo to our home and sat in the middle of our living room, admist all the critters, complete with zabutons and bells and clappers. We set up a butsudan on our rolling coffee table, with a picture of Catherine and also of a friend Dean whose death anniversary it is today, with incense filling our house with that familiar smell from the zendo and flowers and ferns from Soshin's garden.

I was afraid to sleep last night, afraid of dreams of the plane sinking into the water and my beloved friend drowning, imagining the terror and panic of her last moments of life, imagining her long hair floating in the water trapped in that plane. Sitting this morning with three dharma friends across from and beside me I was so thankful for the solidity of their presence and the quality of their aliveness, breathing in and out, watching the tiny movements of Eshu's hands and the fabric of his robes move ever so slightly with each breath in, breath out. With each breath memories of Catherine, so many memories of her laughing (she was wicked and irreverent), and the quiet of our breaths in and out.

This is community -- sharing our lives together, the difficult parts as well as the joys; asking for and being there to help each other. Just breathing together, whether that breath is peaceful, struggling, calm, terrified, grief-stricken, with tears or without. Just being together, sharing our lives together.

Thank you everyone for your kindness and care, for demonstrating community, demonstrating sangha.

Gassho,

Joshua

Jew-Bus?! by Doshu

Joshua, you so expand my limited experience world view! At first I thought that 'Jew-Bus' must be an ethnic slur, or perhaps some sort of Talmudic transit option. Google to the rescue, and I find a Rabbi warning of the dangers of mixing Buddhism with Judaism - who knew? Thanks for sharing this part of your heritage with me. - Doshu

Hallmark cards for Jew-Bus

Yesterday a card arrived from my grandmother in Denver, Colorado:

You're close in thought at Chanukah as you are the whole year through. And all life's joys and blessings are always wished for you.

Since you are into Zen Buddhism, I am still sending you this. If you have holidays, let me know.

Hosen-Ji Zen Centre to VZC

During 2000-2003 I had the opportunity to visit and study in and around Kyoto, Japan on three occasions. Kyoto is a cultural jewel for Japan with 17 World Heritage sites, 1600 Buddhist temples and 100’s of majestic Japanese Gardens. In studying the history and culture of these Gardens I was able to view many from inside Temples. In passing through the hallways I could hear the chants, see monks, smell incense and from a distance see the seated meditation.

On my last visit I was curious about this meditation in the temples and asked to go to a Zen Centre for a few days. Somehow I found myself at the Hosen-Ji Zen Centre nestled in the mountains and countryside near Arashiyama, outside of Kyoto. Having no experience with meditation I thought I was going to a relaxing retreat or an onsen - maybe if I was lucky it might have a spa attached. In reality I was sitting for long periods of seated meditation, silent eating and monks walking behind me with sticks! I had no idea what was happening or what was coming next and no one could tell me in English. The most unexpected event occurred as we headed out for one our work periods. I was hoping it would be something simple such as working in the garden! But I was sent to the streets with the group asking for support for the Zen Center. I don’t think anyone could tell I was a foreigner with my loose fitting outfit, conical straw hat, bell, uncomfortable thong shoes and a pocket for money. We shuffled through the streets, ringing bells, chanting and the people of the community came out to give us food, money, encouragement and respect. I think my favorite moment was finally getting a chance to sit down and rest my feet, eating donated fresh fruit in an empty outdoor sumo wrestling venue (yes really)! I left the Hosen-Ji Zen Centre feeling a sense of wonder, freedom, curiosity and most of all just a little bit of contentment.

Back to reality in Victoria with no more trips scheduled to Japan, I was searching again. I was divorced with two children and confused. I started to build my life again and searched out the Victoria Zen Centre and Eshu. I had so many questions about what I experienced in Japan and how I could continue to learn. But I had interruptions and curiosities of other centers and techniques. My children continued to take up my time; I developed a business in Horticultural Therapy and I traveled to India on my own. I made many appearances at the Victoria Zen Centre (VZC) but was never able to commit to the practice and become a member. I took other detours with unsuccessful new relationships, physical fitness challenges and goals, an attempt at a new career completely unsuited to me and death. Finally, the realization that I had to get back to the Victoria Zen Centre - it was the only thing that made sense and there was always a sense of relief coming back and a wonderful acceptance.

I thank Ven. Eshu, Doshu and VZC members for their gentle encouragements along the way. It has been a long journey from my first initiation at Hosen-Ji Zen Center in Japan to finally becoming a member at the VZC. But really it is only the beginning. I leave you with this inscription from the Daisen-in Temple and Garden in Kyoto.

Each day in life is training
Training for myself
Though failure is possible
Living each moment
Equal to anything
Ready for anything
I am alive – I am this moment
My future is here and now
For if I cannot endure today
When and where will I
(words for each day) – Soen Ozeku
**the image above is of a phoenix at Byodoin Temple