The music of the zendo

I've been really nervous about the upcoming December sesshin and thought I would post a question here about how people who have done long periods of sitting deal with the fear and anxiety about the physical pain as well as the actual sensation of the pain.

But then I read Eshu's most recent transcribed Dharma talk at http://eshuzentalks.blogspot.com/2009/10/on-form.html and it reminded me of an experience in the May sesshin that I thought I'd post about as well as encouraging comments about physical pain and long sits.

An excerpt from Eshu's talk:

So we have bells and clappers, gongs and drums, and sounding boards, and all kinds of musical instruments that lead us through the schedule of the day.... [T]his day that we engage in, a day of practice together, is a song in which we all take part...

At the May sesshin one of my functions as Joko was to play the kaihan throughout the day. With help from Eshu in interview the relationship to the kaihan changed from whacking away at a piece of wood to relating to it as a musical instrument and playing it not only with love but experiencing the playing of it as mutual -- the kaihan and I playing each other.

Throughout that sesshin the use of the keisaku was often a jarring experience, even though I welcomed the physical relief of the stimulation of my shoulder muscles and was grateful for the courage and compassion of those wielding it. But at one point it shifted and the sound of the keisaku meeting the sitter was no longer someone being hit, but rather the same sound as the mallet hitting the kaihan -- the music of our practice together, the percussion of the zendo.

Looking forward to practicing with all of you in December, pain, music, and all!