Pain vs. suffering

In Buddhist books and talks there is often discussion of the distinction between pain -- physical sensations -- and suffering, how the mind experiences and reacts to those sensations.

In the last year I've had several opportunities to explore this teaching through illness and recovery from two surgeries. Each time I thought "Ah, I understand this teaching now, I've really grasped it", only to find that the next time around the same old mental whirlpool of self-pity, anger, fear, depression, and longing to collapse into helplessness without taking any responsibility for the situation.

Most recently I've been sick for a month or so, not able to do much other than eat, sleep, and sometimes work and do house chores -- not much sitting (and no zendo practice), no yoga, no volunteering other than the occasional email.

This has been a very interesting practice experience. The physical discomfort of the nausea and the pain is, objectively, not particularly intense but the suffering has been quite heavy at times. It often takes me a while to see what is going on and so it's only after four weeks or so that I can see that the main limitation to my usual day to day activities is not the physical sensation, but rather the suffering that my mind is creating around "being sick". At home, when there's a flareup of pain or nausea it's not a big deal -- I just walk around or lie down until it goes away. I know that Reese loves me and am not embarrassed to be myself around him, nausea/pain and all. In the world outside the house I am obsessed with what people think of me, swinging between the polar extremes of wanting to grit my teeth and work through the pain so that people are impressed with my toughness, and wanting to lie in a blubbering heap and have everyone give me "poor-poors" (poor, poor Josh). To my chagrin, not being a particularly tough person the blubbering heap side tends to predominate.

So the question then arises how to practice with these tendencies. Just observing them feels humiliating. I want to do something to change them so I'm not so embarrassed by myself. It struck me that one thing I could do was be honest on this blog about what is happening, both as a way of being accountable for my absence from the zendo and other VZC activities, and also as a way of acknowledging that this is not an exceptionally embarrassing or awful condition to be in -- it is part of being human. There's a reason why teachings about pain and suffering are fundamental! Thanks everyone for all that you do to help with practice in the parts of life that are difficult.

Vegetarian Dreams...?

Curious as to why I am a vegetarian? Or wondering how much impact one short dream can have in my life?

Once again, this isn't specifically about Buddhism, so I am just putting a link up here on the VZC newsletter:

http://sei-inremyjordan.blogspot.com/2009/08/dream-why-i-am-vegetarian.html

"Seeing is Believing" Tour

Hello My Zen Centre Friends,

I just finished a post on my experiences on a "Seeing is Believing" tour that I recently did of Vancouver's downtown Eastside. I didn't think that it made sense to post it on our newsletter (as it is not directly related to the VZC), but I did want to let folks know about it. If you are interested, you can find it here:

http://sei-inremyjordan.blogspot.com/2009/08/seeing-is-believing-tour-of-downtown.html

Sei-in

Sangha Sunday August 23 2009

Sangha Sunday August 23 2009
East Sooke Park (Aylard Farm)
10:00AM—2:00PM?

This month's Sangha Sunday will be held at the beach at the Aylard's Farm end of East Sooke Park. The idea is to enjoy the beach, the meadow and the forest together.

We won't be organizing any ambitious games, although we'll probably have a few fun group activities for those who want them.

• Bring picnic stuff. I still don't know if we'll be able to grill anything, so plan on bringing sandwiches or whatever for you and your family and friends, and maybe something to share with everyone if you feel so inclined. (I'm hoping to bring some Uminami Farm organic watermelon!)
• Bring beach stuff: buckets, balls, frisbees, sunblock... You know the kind of thing.
• If anyone has a beach volleyball set, please bring it. This is a perfect beach for that!
• We're leaving the ending time open. Stay for as long or as short a time as you wish.

• The sand at the Aylard Farm beach is perfect for incense bowls, so bring a container if you're in the market for that substance.

• There is a splendid meadow perfect for frisbee, catch, kite flying or just plain old-fashioned gamboling.

• There is a very pleasant hike to an ancient petroglyph. It takes about 30 minutes to get there from the beach. I've done this hike with my mother-in-law, who is in her eighties. But still, you should have sensible footwear if you want to go to the petroglyph. I wouldn't do it in flip flops.

While hiking in East Sooke park I have seen: Orcas, deer, sea lions, seals, otters, eagles, herons, myriad raccoons, squirrels, birds, and other small beings. I also once saw a fresh cougar track, but we won't be lucky enough to see one of those cats with all the racket we'll be making!

Just find your way to the parking lot at Aylard's Farm (a link to directions is below). Then head towards the beach. You can't miss it: It's right beside the ocean!

I'll be sending a PDF with more information and a map to all VZC members.
I look forward to seeing you there!
Please RSVP to seanholland@telus.net

Petroglyph photo
Directions to the park
http://www.eastsookepark.com/