My early experiences with Zen practice - Frances Bryan

I went to my first sit in August 2006 after chatting with Venerable Eshu for a while one day about the Lotus Sutra and the sometimes contrasting beliefs of different Buddhist traditions. I found the "form" rather intimidating and the focused look of the participants ominous, but I was intrigued by the silence. The tea circle was a bit of a relief because suddenly everyone loosened up, and I was allowed to shift and move again.

I don't remember anything significant about my next few sits, but the practice and community interested me, and in December I found myself asking Eshu, "How can I learn more?" The next step was to take the introductory course at the Zendo, so there I was, early one Saturday morning in January 2007, setting off to Sooke wearing a black gi. I snuck out of my house that first morning because I was sure my partner would laugh at my outfit (he did). Over the course of the eight-week intro course I developed a great respect and affection for my classmates and the practice, and enjoyed observing my increasing comfort with sitting on the floor.

Early in 2007 Venerable Eshin came from Vancouver to speak at a Tuesday night sit and there were a lot of people there to hear him. The walking meditation was challenging because the room was so full and people were getting out of step. I forced myself to really let go and follow the person in front of me, and I had my first experience of oneness. I felt that our hip joints were linked, and that I was flowing along completely in sync with him. What a cool feeling!

A year later I am now often playing the role of Shoji. One of my favourite parts is working with Jikijitsu to do the call and response drumming and bell ringing that starts many of the chants. If both of us are listening well and feeling the musicality and the beat I can have that experience of flow and unity I had in the walking meditation, and I just love that.

I'm not sure what I expected from practicing Zen; probably some sort of undefined "peace". My motivation to continue with sitting (and chanting and kinhin), has been my enjoyment of the practice itself rather any clear goals about outcomes. But there have been some wonderful outcomes. The first was that I started sleeping a lot better. (I have a long history of insomnia). Recently I have found that if I get involved in an argument I'm not able to summon up the desire to continue to argue. It feels as if I am no longer attached to being right. It's really interesting to see "peace" manifesting itself in my life in these subtle, unexpected and specific ways. I'm looking forward to seeing what else is around the corner (while of course, being fully in the present!)